Two Years

I just can't believe it's been two years since you went to Heaven.  Not a day goes by that I don't miss you and think about you.  Oh how I wish I could just see you right now! Are you sitting by a lake? Maybe you are making something out of nothing with your hands ~ you were so good at that.  You could always take any old thing and make it useful again.  Or maybe you're whittling.  Or eating Ridgewood BBQ.  Or drawing that little dog you used to draw for me every Sunday during church.  If I could only see you draw that dog one more time...

Of course, there's the selfish part of me that wants you here with me.  I so badly want you to see my children grow up and experience life.  I want them to fish with you.  I want them to work in the garden with you.  I want them to learn from you the things you taught us all so well...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.  You taught us those every day just by the way you lived your life.  

Even though I long to have you here with me, I know where you are.  I have such peace in knowing that you are with Jesus, completely healed.  After seeing your health decline for several years, I am overwhelmed with joy when I think of you walking (running!) around heaven with no limitations, no medicines, no walkers, nothing to hold you back!  

When I join you one day, I can't wait to talk about old times.  I really believe we'll have our memories in Heaven (the good ones of course).  And we sure have a lot of memories, don't we?  Christmas, vacations (I got my love of Myrtle Beach from you), lake, teaching me to drive, church, camping, and just memories of everyday life.  

The day you went to Heaven, my perspective about life changed forever.  I now have experienced a loss that I never even began to understand before.  Everything is different.  Nothing will ever be the same.  Nothing.  Thank you for treasuring Jesus and your family above anything else.  Thank you for loving us unconditionally.  Thank you for simply being you.  I'm so grateful.  I love you Daddy.

"He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we'll never settle for less." 2 Corinthians 5: 5 (The Message)

Grace for the Good Girl

Ok, here goes...

I finished reading Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman sometime last week.  Truth is, I'm still processing it, and I think I will be for a long time.  I don't know if I've ever connected more with a book than I did with this one.

Here's the Amazon description if you're interested:

Many of us believe that we are saved by grace--but for too many, that's the last time grace defines our life. Instead of clinging to grace, we strive for good and believe that the Christian life means hard work and a sweet disposition. As good girls, we focus on the things we can handle, our disciplined lives, and our unshakable good moods. When we fail to measure up to our own impossible standards, we hide behind our good girl masks, determined to keep our weakness a secret.

In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily Freeman invites women to let go of the try-hard life and realize that in Christ we are free to receive from him rather than constantly try to achieve for him. With an open hand and a whimsical style, Emily uncovers the truth about the hiding, encouraging women to move from hiding behind girl-made masks and do-good performances to a life hidden with Christ in God.

I already feel like God has taught me so much in the past several years about topics that the author discusses in the book, but I just couldn't get over how much I related to her.  My high-lighter got a work out that's for sure.  Claire even asked me why I was writing all in my book! At times, I almost stopped high-lighting all together because it seemed like a waste of time when it was almost every word.  

So here's the thing...I'm a good girl.  At least I try to be.  That's always been the goal.  I was a "good" child, a "good" teenager, and so forth.  Chances are, lots of you all are too.  I never had a big rebellion.  I was saved at a young age and raised in church by wonderful Christian parents.  I was WAY too responsible to risk my reputation, hurting my parents, or disappointing Jesus.  Kind of like a mother hen, I kept all of my friends in line.  At least I tried to, and I felt responsible if they didn't "follow the rules".  Yep, that's me.  Pretty much a big ol' goody two shoes.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect.  I've made more than my share of mistakes.  Way more.  It's just that I'm one of those girls with a really boring testimony.  At least that's how I've always felt.  I'm so thankful for my boring testimony, but along with that comes my "good girlness".  

I've rambled long enough, but I must share some of these quotes from the book with you.

"My idea of who I should be is at war with who I am.  I want to be perfect in every situation. I just do. I want to know what to do. I want to know how to do it right."

"Because I care so much what you think, my hiding has everything to do with you. I desperately want to manage your opinion of me."

Preach, sister, preach. 

"Still, I like knowing the rules.  If the sign says Don't Tough, I don't touch. If it says Keep Out, I stay away.  If the form is due on Friday, I'll turn it in on Thursday just in case.  If the doctor says take one in the morning and one at night, I am sure to space them out exactly twelve hours. And even though I admit to occasionally bringing candy into the movie theater, I am always worried that the ticket person will search my bags and throw me out for smuggling in a bottle of water and two Peppermint Patties". 

"It is the false belief that I, myself, am the cause or explanation for the bad, uncomfortable, or dissatisfied people or circumstances around me.  Likewise, it also means that I feel the need to prevent the bad, uncomfortable, or dissatisfactory circumstances from happening in the first place.  I can't remember a time when I didn't feel responsible. I was responsible to be right. I was responsible to look good. I was responsible to have it all together. I was responsible for being responsible."

I'm going to stop quoting now because this post is way too long.  Also, I REALLY want you good girls out there to read the book.  I could write so much more.  SO MUCH MORE.  I want to, and I'm holding back because you need to read it for yourself and see if any of her words resonate with you.  Obviously, the book goes into ways to overcome the fear and anxiety that accompanies being a good girl.  And in the end, it's all about Jesus of course.  

I know I encourage you to read books fairly often, but this time I really mean it with my whole heart.  Especially if you are a good girl.  

(If you read it, please let me know.  I'd love to discuss more of the book with a fellow recovering good girl.)

not a fan

I am not a fan.

I recently read this book, and Jesus got all up in my bidness.  It's basically about not just being a fan of Jesus, but being a completed committed follower.   

Here is the product description from Amazon (if you're interested):
Pastor Kyle Idleman doesn't just want to be a fan of Jesus, he wants to full heartedly commit to him and be a follower of Jesus. But how can you make the leap from fan to follower? In Not a Fan Idleman uses biblical examples to show how the people who met Jesus also had to decide if they were fans or followers, and what it meant for them to then become followers. Being a follower doesn't mean that you go to church every week, that you slap a Jesus fish on the back of your car, and that you give to charity. That's what a fan does. What a follower of Jesus does, Idleman observes, is die to themselves each and every moment of the day because 'you can't say yes to following Jesus unless you say no to living for yourself.' In this three part book Idleman helps you to discover whether you are a fan or a follower, how to recognize the invitation Jesus has given, and what following Jesus looks like in your daily life. With humor and real life examples to draw you closer to Jesus, Kyle Idleman compels each and every one of us to Not Be A Fan.

Here are some quotes that I highlighted because they stood out as I read.  I could have highlighted the whole book, but I'm just going to list a few of the quotes in no particular or organized order. Warning: this is long.

"Fans have a tendency to confuse their knowledge for intimacy. They don't recognize the difference between knowing about Jesus and truly knowing Jesus.  ... In fact, knowledge can be a false indicator of intimacy. 
Clearly where there is intimacy there should be a growing knowledge, but too often there is knowledge without a growing intimacy."

These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Matthew 15:8

"Instead of describing a relationship where I truly knew Jesus, I would have told you what I knew about Jesus. But when there is knowledge without intimacy, you're really no more than a fan."

"Jesus isn't just saying, "I want to be first place in your life."  He is saying, "I don't even want there to be a second place." When we compare our relationship with him to anyone else there should be no competition.  Fans will try and make Jesus one of many.  Some fans may even make Jesus the first of many.  But when Jesus defines the relationship he makes it clear; he wants to be your one and only."

"If following Jesus cost you everything, would it still be worth it?"

"Some fans are like the Sadducees.  Their faith was something they were born into.  It was never really something they chose.  Maybe when you were born your parents handed you a mask, and you grew up acting like Christians act, talking how Christians talked, listening to the music Christians listened to; but you never fell in love with Jesus.  Your faith has always been more about honoring your heritage than surrendering your heart."

(When discussing those who are new to Christ and the church)
"They just don't know any better.  And I hope nobody tells them that they're supposed to act like they've got it all together.  You don't often get to see people without a mask.  And it's such a beautiful thing.  That's what Christ wants in a follower-someone who isn't pretending on the outside to have it all together."

"Fans of Jesus sooner or later find themselves exhausted.  Fans grow tired of trying to maintain an outer appearance that doesn't match an inner passion.  They find themselves weary of trying to keep all the rules in hopes of somehow earning God's favor."

"He is not interested in enthusiastic admirers who practice everything in moderation and don't get carried away.  He wants completely committed followers."

"Even if there wasn't one when Jesus spoke these words, it seems that over the years the church has put an asterisk next to his invitation.  The sign out front of the church says, We Welcome Anyone and Everyone. But if you look real close you'll find a n asterisk.  And it turns out that Anyone means people who appear to have their lives together and don't have visible struggles.  Anyone does not include those who struggle with addictions or who have gone through a divorce.  Anyone means people who dress appropriately.  Anyone means those from certain social and economic backgrounds who are affiliated with a certain political party and have a certain taste in music."

"Jesus has invited anyone to follow him, but when they come to church they find that there is an asterisk. The not so subtle message is we have to let you in here because Jesus told us to but we are going to be keeping an eye on you. I can't help but wonder if that's how the other disciples must have felt when Jesus invited Matthew.  What about his qualifications? What about his past history? Jesus, surely you don't really mean anyone? But when Jesus says anyone, it turns out what he really means is anyone."

"It's not because God needs your time.  He has always been and always will be.  It's not because he needs your money. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. If God needed your money he could take it. It's not that God needs your worship. If you don't worship, the Bible says that the rocks and trees will cry out. The reason we talk about those things is not because God needs or wants those things; it's because he wants you. He wants your love. He longs for you to passionately pursue him, and all those things are come after indicators. They are outer signs that point to an inner reality that you love Jesus more than anything else."

Go read it and be challenged!

Any thoughts?

The Same Only Prettier

I found this pretty little picture of the C.S. Lewis quote I wrote about a while back.  It says the same thing but looks prettier.  No real reason for posting. Just liked it!

Just Some Honest Thoughts

"We are not doubting that God will do the best for us.  We are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be'.    ~ C.S.Lewis

I came across this quote about six months ago.  It really hit home with me.  As someone who has struggled with worry issues throughout my life, which really just boils down to trust and control issues, this quote expressed how I feel.  I DO believe that God is in control.  I DO believe that He loves me and is really quite crazy about me. I DO believe that He knows what's best and works all things together for our good and His glory.  I truly don't doubt those things.  So why do I worry?  Why is it still so hard for me to trust at times?  In my pitiful little human mind, what I think is best is rarely what He KNOWS is best.  Sometimes what's best is painful and I may never understand....so I must choose to trust. 

Anybody else relate?

Happy New Year!

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."  ~ C.S.Lewis

Happy New Year!

I'm Going Home, To The Place Where I Belong

I've had a LOOOONNNNNGGGG summer.  After two years teaching full-time in Kingsport, I resigned in May.  I was very thankful for the opportunity to teach there, but I knew it was time to move on.  The reasons are abundant, and it would take me approximately two years to explain them all to you. 

So...I waited and prayed.  There are some people in my life who deserve a medal of honor for keeping me sane and talking me off the ledge for months. (You know who you are and thank you!)  See, I knew I was leaving Kingsport, but I didn't exactly know where I was going.  I can honestly say I was willing to go wherever God wanted me to go, but the waiting and wondering can be painful.  I don't particularly like pain, and patience must not be my favorite fruit of the spirit.  

After MANY days of waiting, I was hired last Wednesday in Washington County.  I am THRILLED because that was my ultimate goal.  To be back on my children's schedule is such an answer to prayer.  For now, I will be teaching in a different school than they attend.  I am loving my new school (Fall Branch)! Everybody has been so welcoming, and I'm even working for one of my previous principals. 

So needless to say, I've been a little crazy trying to get myself prepared for those little first graders coming Tuesday morning.  YES, I SAID FIRST GRADERS! I've never taught below second grade, so the adventure has truly just begun. 

I've been continually praising Jesus for sending me back to Washington County.  It feels so good to be home.

He Never Lets Go

As I sat on the beach and watched Brian and the kids play in the waves, it suddenly hit me.  It was nothing new really.  I've read about it hundreds of times in the Bible.  Numerous circumstances in my own life have also been reminders.  Somehow this time it just really dug into my heart. 

 The waves were rough at times, but Brian never let go.  Sometimes their mighty strength even knocked Parker and Claire down, but he NEVER let go.  My children were free to enjoy the waves because they knew their Daddy would protect them.  When they were knocked off their feet, they clung even tighter to his strong hands.  Time after time, he stood them back up and encouraged them to keep jumping.   I was even reminded that he would sacrifice his own life to save them.  I knew he would if that's what they needed.

  

God is mightier than any waves of life that knock us down.  He is able and faithful to pick us up again and rescue us from danger.  He already did sacrifice His own life to save us.  Oh, to trust Him more and enjoy the freedom He promises.

I just needed that reminder.

He Never Lets Go.

"Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea, the Lord on high is mighty." Psalm 93:4

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33